Tuesday, February 08, 2005

My definition of the word...

ANXIETY. A woman came into my office yesterday and while striking up conversation proceeded to ask me if I had encountered anymore panic attacks. Thank God I was able to tell her no. As we begin talking we both gave descriptions of how we viewed an "Anxiety Attack". Her description was "imagine being on the top of the empire state building with your toes dangling off and you are looking down." My definition is a little different. So, here is my take on the word that can send chills down my spine just by saying it:


It creeps up on you when you least expect it. As it starts to consume your body you can feel yourself breaking down. Your neck becomes so tense that it feels like someone is just squeezing it and won't let go. Your heart begins to race and you feel like you're dying inside. You cry out asking for help but it's like there is no mercy. The 10 minutes your body is being tortured feels like an eternity. You can't catch your breath and you fall to your knees looking to be freed from this horrible feeling. I have been that person on their knees crying... no screaming out to God for help because I couldn't go through another attack. I've been the girl with her face buried in the carpet in the fetal position because I was too paralyzed to sleep and I’ve been the girl that because of the fear went into a state of depression where I slept 20+ hours a day and didn't eat unless my husband forced me to. It's also a disease that makes you cherish the moments that you feel *normal*. The moments you can breathe and take a long breathe and feel relaxed. The simple moments where you can actually function and be the person you once were.

Friday, February 04, 2005

It's a...

Boy. It's sooo a boy. He was not shy at all. :) I must share with you all what took place on the night of MB's birthday party. As i laid down with him that night to put him to bed i peace came over me about this baby. I thought to myself...if this baby is half as precious as my other little guy and brings us even half the joy than that's alright with me. Since that moment i have had a peace on the sex of the baby. When the technician rolled over my stomach and we realized it was a boy i just laughed. Another boy. A best friend for MB. Another blessing to add to our family. Life is good.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Am I Crazy?

Tonight is MB's 2nd (Sniff) birthday party. There is around 25 people invited to his party, most being family, but he also has his little buddies that will be there. I'm sure it will be chaos but fun!