Tuesday, February 08, 2005

My definition of the word...

ANXIETY. A woman came into my office yesterday and while striking up conversation proceeded to ask me if I had encountered anymore panic attacks. Thank God I was able to tell her no. As we begin talking we both gave descriptions of how we viewed an "Anxiety Attack". Her description was "imagine being on the top of the empire state building with your toes dangling off and you are looking down." My definition is a little different. So, here is my take on the word that can send chills down my spine just by saying it:


It creeps up on you when you least expect it. As it starts to consume your body you can feel yourself breaking down. Your neck becomes so tense that it feels like someone is just squeezing it and won't let go. Your heart begins to race and you feel like you're dying inside. You cry out asking for help but it's like there is no mercy. The 10 minutes your body is being tortured feels like an eternity. You can't catch your breath and you fall to your knees looking to be freed from this horrible feeling. I have been that person on their knees crying... no screaming out to God for help because I couldn't go through another attack. I've been the girl with her face buried in the carpet in the fetal position because I was too paralyzed to sleep and I’ve been the girl that because of the fear went into a state of depression where I slept 20+ hours a day and didn't eat unless my husband forced me to. It's also a disease that makes you cherish the moments that you feel *normal*. The moments you can breathe and take a long breathe and feel relaxed. The simple moments where you can actually function and be the person you once were.

Friday, February 04, 2005

It's a...

Boy. It's sooo a boy. He was not shy at all. :) I must share with you all what took place on the night of MB's birthday party. As i laid down with him that night to put him to bed i peace came over me about this baby. I thought to myself...if this baby is half as precious as my other little guy and brings us even half the joy than that's alright with me. Since that moment i have had a peace on the sex of the baby. When the technician rolled over my stomach and we realized it was a boy i just laughed. Another boy. A best friend for MB. Another blessing to add to our family. Life is good.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Am I Crazy?

Tonight is MB's 2nd (Sniff) birthday party. There is around 25 people invited to his party, most being family, but he also has his little buddies that will be there. I'm sure it will be chaos but fun!

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Heathern Child

So the boy decided to get into the fridge when i wasn't looking. He found the eggs. Eggs look like balls so he decides to start throwing them. Three are thrown back into the refrigerator and cracked. The rest he takes to his room. So far i've found three. I pray that's all he hid in there. He decided to crack one and sling egg yolk all over the carpet and toys. My new favorite cleaning product is

It really does a great job and no more egg yolk in the carpet. Yack.

Monday, January 17, 2005

T Minus 2 weeks and counting...

until we find out the sex of the baby. Now, we already have a sweet little boy so of course i want a girl this time. Ok, let me rephrase that. I REALLY want a little girl. I feel so selfish and guilty of feeling a little dissapointed if the baby is a boy. I know i will be happy just as long as the baby is healthy overall but i can't help but wish for a little girl.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

My Dear Husband...

So I wasn't feeling well yesterday when I got home do to some crampiness from all the stretching going on making room for the baby. Last night during grace my husband says the following:

Thank you for the food we are about to eat. Please help MB feel better and please help MM's uterus to stop aching.

I automatically burst out laughing. Bless his heart.

Monday, December 27, 2004

I'm back...

Ya, so i've not posted in awhile. I've been busy with the holidays and traveling. Here's my summary of the cruise we took last week:

So we went on our cruise. Ugh. MB was very good and happy he was just SO ACTIVE it killed us. We would put him down and he was gone. If he cried or something in the room i would freak because i was afraid he was bothering the people next to us. We did have a good time though but i am so wore out it's ridiculous. If my family had not been there to help out i probably would have either jumped ship and swam home or got on a plane at the first port. No more cruises for awhile.

Me...the person who once thought she could travel the world and never be tired of it is ready to put vacationing on hold for awhile. What kids will do to a person.